Poor Trumplestiltskin. His tremendous plan to bigly con Jurassic World out of millions of dollars and bankrupt the park in the process turned into a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. A bunch of meddling kids caught him in the act, and now his bestest buddy, Jeffy, is preparing to defend him from numerous fraud lawsuits filed against him. It’s time to retreat to his happy place.
This secluded getaway locale is the home of his loving pet turtle, Mitch. Mitch always seems to know just how to make Trumplestiltskin feel better and knows just the right things to say. Always 100% supportive, Mitch agrees completely when Trumplestiltskin tells him that it’s those nosy adolescents who should be brought to trial — they were the ones who broke privacy laws by spying on him and then committed libel. He wasn’t doing anything wrong at all — his plan just involved taking advantage of loopholes and other acts not specifically covered by the waiver that all guests to Jurassic World must sign. Mitch nods along, sounding much like Cecil Turtle when voicing his assent.
Alas, Mitch’s soothing drawl isn’t quite enough for Trumplestiltskin. Realizing it’s Revenge of the Sith day, he starts imagining himself as the most powerful Sith lord in the galaxy. Actually, he knows that he really would be the most powerful Sith if he had the ability to use the force, because he knows all the best ways it should be used. He could then be Emperor and no one would oppose him or say means things about him. Those meddling kids would be dealt with swiftly and without pity. He can even imagine the executive order he’d sign — and call “Order 66” — that would have them deported, along with all the other undesirables, to a different universe altogether.
His fantasy brings contentment, and his happy place has done its job. Recharged and full of piss and vinegar, he’s ready to hire the public relations guru recommended by a close, trusted friend.